Parshas Bamidbar 5784: Intriguing Questions and Answers

May an identical twin attend a wedding in his brother’s stead, when the baal simcha will assume that he’s being honored by the presence of the other brother?

Q:

A question recently arose regarding uncannily identical twin boys who learned in different yeshivas in different parts of Israel. Naturally, they didn’t share the same group of friends, and when boys started getting married, each brother had his own, distinct roster of simchas to attend. Sometimes, a brother would find himself too busy or ill to attend a certain wedding, and he would ask his twin to join the celebration in his place. Yet they began to wonder whether such a maneuver is halachically sound. Though well-meaning, did pulling the wool over the baal simcha’s eyes in this way constitute geneivas daas?

A:

The Rambam writes in Hilchos Deios (2:6) that saying or doing something in contradiction to your heart’s intentions constitutes geneivas daas. This is based on the Gemara (Chulin 94b) stating that even a gentile may not be victimized in this way. The Rishonim bring varying reasons for this, attributing the severity and far-reaching nature of the issur to the fact that it borders on actual stealing, or to the inevitable chillul Hashem that would result were the gentile to become aware of the Jew’s trickery.

In our case, the imposter twin is certainly doing something (i.e., pretending to be his brother) that contradicts his heart’s intentions (i.e., he is actually not his brother). Our discussion, however, would center around the halachic feasibility of performing an act of geneivas daas for the sake of a mitzvah. If one of the twins has an overwhelming need to remain in the beis midrash and deepen his understanding of the sugya he’s learning rather than lose three hours attending a wedding, he sends his brother in his place in order to fulfill the mitzvah of talmud Torah. Or if a twin, despite being feverish and weak, truly wants to make the chassan and kallah happy, he sends his brother to play that role and “share” in their simcha in order to fulfill the mitzvah of being m’sameiach chassan v’kallah. Perhaps the good achieved through these mitzvos overrides the inherent objectionable nature of geneivas daas.

There is a discussion in the Gemara (Bava Basra 8b) regarding whether or not we could be lenient in matters of geneivas daas in the context of a mitzvah, and the Acharonim debate the issue. The Pischei Teshuvah (Hilchos Milah 261:4), for example, quotes the Yaavetz as permitting a father to convince a mohel to perform bris milah on his son by offering the man money and then retracting his offer once the mitzvah has been carried out. Additionally, there are Acharonim who regard discreetly setting the clock earlier than the actual time in order to ensure that a child gets up for davening as not falling within the realm of geneivas daas.

We should note that our discussion actually falls within the larger issue of dishonesty becoming a habit. Even were we to permit trickery for the sake of a mitzvah, what are the long-term psychological implications of that underhandedness? Perhaps embracing dishonesty for a greater good embeds the negative trait within a person’s heart even deeper than practicing trickery for selfish agendas that one knows, deep down, are wrong!

In conclusion, given the sensitive psychological/spiritual nature of the issue and, too, the fact that leniency in the context of a mitzvah is a matter of halachic debate, it is best to refrain from all forms of geneivas daas in all situations, including genuinely well-intended desires to perform a mitzvah.

May one read someone else’s mail, email, or texts without permission?

Q:

Someone whose father passed away and left many things unorganized and unattended to has asked if he may read the contents of his father’s envelopes labeled “Do not open!”. Would opening such letters and reading their contents constitute a transgression of the “Cherem of Rabbeinu Gershom” stating that it is forbidden to read someone else’s letter, as quoted in the Be’eir Hagolah (Yoreh Deah 334)? Additionally, what other materials might this cherem include? May someone read his wife’s text messages or emails without her permission? While sitting behind or next to someone on the bus, may one glance over and read what the person is texting? And for that matter, may a gabbai read the very private kvitlach people have written to the Rebbe?

A:

Let’s first address the source and reasoning for this cherem. The Be’eir Hagolah and Maharam of Rothenburg write that one may not read another’s letters without permission unless the letters have clearly been thrown out. The reason for this cherem is debated among the Rishonim. Some maintain that since one will read secret things about the person, one could ultimately come to transgress the prohibition of rechilus (slander) in sharing the confidential material with others. Some say the cherem is intended to discourage geneivas daas (in the sense of “stealing” the writer’s private thoughts), or even to prevent the aveirah of stealing itself (in the sense of the letter constituting a personal possession). Others hold that the cherem is intended to encourage –ואהבת לרעך כמוך treating others as you would yourself. Just as you wouldn’t want others to read your private sentiments, refrain from violating others’ privacy in such a manner.

The consensus among the Poskim is that the cherem calls for respecting the universal reality that people are not pleased when others access their personal information without permission. This is obviously the case regarding a sealed envelope, but according to Rav Moshe Feinstein, zt”l, even reading a postcard not intended for you constitutes a breach of an individual’s privacy.

Regarding our case of the son and his father’s sealed letters marked “Do not open!”, permission was clearly not granted for anyone to open and read the content. However, if the family deems these letters as bearing relevance to matters of inheritance, or as simply the medium chosen by the deceased to express some final message to his family once he’s left this world, it can be assumed that the deceased would now grant permission to unseal and read the material were he able. This was the halachic decision I heard from my rebbe Harav Nevenzahl, shlit”a. And in the beis din of Harav Matisyahu Deutch, shlit”a, I’ve also witnessed several circumstances in which sealed documents belonging to the deceased were opened and found to reveal crucial information that the niftar would surely have wanted to pass on to his family.

As for the other above-mentioned concerns regarding emails and texts, Harav Chaim Kanievsky, zt”l, told me that reading this material without permission would constitute a problem even between a husband and wife, not to mention between acquaintances or strangers. Additionally, Harav Yitzchok Zilberstein, shlit”a, told me that the reason one must be careful in these matters regarding one’s spouse is because a person often corresponds with a friend with the strong, though unspoken, desire that the friend’s spouse not read the content. A wife should therefore accustom herself to avoid reading material intended for her husband, as should a husband exercise the same restraint with regard to material intended for his wife.

Regarding kvitlach given to tzaddikim, or notes pressed between the stones of the Kosel, these circumstances differ significantly from letters that have been clearly discarded in a public area and may therefore be freely read. The tzaddik’s home or the Kosel’s plaza do not constitute such public areas, and though the letters may seem discarded and in profound disarray, they’re not to be considered as having been thrown away. Even the tzaddik’s throwing kvitlach in the trash indicates his desire to make a bit of order, but not to permit anyone to read the private letters as he wishes. No one, not even the gabbai, should therefore read a tzaddik’s kvitlach, regardless of the state they may appear to be in.

Harav Yaakov Skoczylas Shlit”a, the Rosh Kollel of Kollel Lihoraah Yerushalayim, is the author of the “Ohel Yaakov” series on numerous halachic topics. Harav Skoczylas is highly regarded as a reputable Posek and Moreh Tzedek in Yerushalayim and receives many halachic inquiries from around the globe seeking his guidance and clarification.

Feel free to reach out to the Bais Horaah with any halacha inquiries by emailing halacha@kollellihoraah.org.

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